Ok so I just got back from Seattle. River is being kept at Harborview hospital. I went to see her in her room. Her head was shaved and her body just layed there as just a body, nothing else. Her head was swollen with stitches all around from the wounds and the surgeries. I tried talking to her but is was just too hard. I was in disbelief of that body actually being her's. They have tubes in her head to drain the blood. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle looking at her. Is that horrible of me? I don't want to remember her that way. There isn't very much left of her brain, just the brain stems. That's basically what keeps her organs functioning.
Yesterday we decided as a family to take her off life support. As we watched the doctors remove her breathing tubes we waited in agony expecting her to pass. But she kept breathing on her own. We don't know how much longer she will be able to do it by herself, but I think we would all like to see her pass soon in hopes to trying to heal.
My heart just hurts. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally drained and exhausted. I just want to fall asleep and when I decide to wake up the past week would hopefully just be a nightmare and not reality.
Sometimes I break down and sometimes I go numb because I dont want to feel it anymore. I dont want the rest of my family to feel the pain anymore.