Wednesday, November 25, 2009

(Mom)ent of Truth

Okay, I know I'm gonna get razzed by everyone but seriously, you all can't change my mind. Only I am aware of how I feel, no one can feel what I am feeling. Not even Robert, as much as I wish he could.

I really hate being pregnant!

It feels awful, and no one tells you the truth about how it really is. It's like a conspiracy other mothers have going by saying how much they love being pregnant and how they never got sick or they never were tired etc. But secretly they are thinking that if they had to go through 9 months of complete misery then so does other women.

When I tell you I am never doing this again. Please leave it at that. I promise you, I will never do this again. Don't tell me that when I get to hold the baby I will forget it all. I promise you I wont forget, I am the type to remember traumatizing moments in my life. I will hold a grudge against my body forever. Yes, I am a woman, and maybe my body was made to bear children, but this body will only be bearing one child, not 5 to 10. I am not doing a disservice to my religion, there are plenty of other women who will be more than happy to bear 5 to 10 kids. They will make up for my loss. I am not on this Earth to push out as many kids as God will allow me. I am here to fulfill the purposes God had intended for me and I know what those purposes are. And if you know me you know that I feel breeding is overrated, go out and adopt.
Yes, today has been a bad day.

10 comments:

The Waldram Family said...

Amen! Even though I am not pregnant :)

But seriously Jason's neighbors (his parents) struggled with infertility and they adopted the sweetest little boy. Well about 6 months later she found out she was pregnant...I guess she had awful post pardum depression (sp?) and swore that she will never have (like bear) another child again. She will only adopt from now on...so you aren't alone in feeling this :)

Ryan 'n' Joy said...

sometimes the only thing that helps is to truly think about all your blessings- and that is coming from someone who was sick VERY VERY sick for seven months of her pregnancy - If you did not know that pregnancy was hard - you didn't talk to the right people - Even in your darkest hour Heavenly Father is there for you and although you may not be able to see it right now - he will never put more on your plate than you can bear. You may not have planned for any of this - but obviously Heavenly Father had other plans- I think that means that M.E. is going to be a pretty remarkable, amazing person that has a very important mission here on earth...

Jena Wright said...

Oh no. Im scared.
Im sorry you are not feeling well and having a hard day. I feel for you even though I have no idea what you are going thru.
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Jessica said...

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Heather said the same thing about pregnancy. She's DONE! LOL I shouldn't laugh, misery is never funny.
Love you!

Amber said...

I published a comment earlier and then I re-thought it and I decided it wasn't what I wanted to say. There are people who can honestly tell you they love pregnancy; but they are the exception. The rule is that pregnancy is most often the worst 9 months of your life. (after the baby comes it is super hard too). And there are women who will give you a straight answer if you ask them. Unfortunately, by the time you are pregnant, it is kind of too late for anything except "Congratulations". Sometimes when I talk with my sisters about how much I hated my pregnancies it makes me worried I will scare them off from ever wanting to have kids. And I don't think that is right. (Think honestly, would you have tried harder not to get pregnant in the first place if you knew then what you know now?) You could have missed having M.E. in your life forever because you were afraid of what pregnancy COULD be. That being said: Michael and I are planning to adopt the rest of our kids :P I love my boys but I KNOW now - I hate pregnancy

S.Miles said...

This is by no means a way to "razz" you, and in no way am I commenting so that I can change your mind- BUT I feel I have to say something to stand up for the millions (yes MILLIONS) of women who would love to be in your shoes. I've read your Facebook status's/blog entries about you complaining about being pregnant- and I'm surprised no one has this to say:
Im not going to disagree with the fact that pregnancy has it's awful moments. But seriously- you think it's some conspiracy?? Come on now...no one's out to get you. If you tell me that you are never doing this again- I would completely agree with you that you shouldn't. If it is something that is really making you this miserable person- no one is forcing you to do anything. Theres no judgemet or disservice to your religion. Your perception of the church forcing people to "push out 5-10 kids" is complete madness. Especially this day in age. I think people have as many kids as they choose- no one is doing any forcing. If you honestly hold a grudge against your body forever- your life must be pretty darn perfect. Who has time to worry about such small things like their body not being perfect anymore? If you think being pregnant is hard- you have a rude awakening to whats in store for you. Coming from someone who has spent over $75,000 to have a baby- and given herself over 1,000 shots of toxic medication that makes me crazy- you seriously take this pregnancy for granted. Good luck the rest of your pregnancy- it's all up hill from here sweetie.

spencer said...

I hate being pregnant too! Call me, I have no problem holding anything back! Trust me, even though every day now may suck and there is still a long way to go uphill, you will be happy you went through all this crap! Almost 2 years later for me, I still havent forgotten how miserable I was, but I have the best little man ever to remind me why I keep going!
Heather

racheyroy said...

Bethany,
I am sorry you are having a difficult time. Oh and I miss you. We need to play when I am in California for Christmas.

S.Miles said...

I love it. Yep, thats me. Jealous, venting about my own unresolved issues, perpetuating inaccurate information, throwing myself my own personal pitty party, and making my comments all about myself...Right on. Couldn't be more accurate.

Shelly said...

Haha! You are right. No other woman can tell you exactly what you feel or don't feel, but there are some of us who had no major problems being pregnant--especially when it was long sought and prayed for. As for having more children, that is between you and Robert and the Lord. Don't make your decisions on social factors or worldly considerations. Heavenly Father knows you and what you can handle. Trust in Him as you make your decisions. You can be a complete and happy family with one or a dozen, natural or adopted. He knows your desires and your circumstnces. Be a happy mom!