Tuesday, January 19, 2010

3rd Trimester

Well, I have made it to the 3rd trimester. I am 28 weeks and M.E. is moving non stop. We went to an ultrasound last week and all the pictures of M.E. have her hands and feet covering her face. So no updated picture this month, unless you want to see hands and feet. The doctor confirmed again for me that we are having a girl (I needed the reassurance). M.E. is now 2 lbs and 6 oz. She does not like to share her space with Robert, or Link. Link doesn't quite care, he takes it as a head massage.

I am constantly hungry. I want to eat non-stop, not to mention I am always thirsty and nothing seems to quench that thirst. Sleeping is proving to be more and more difficult, and poor Robert gets up with me to make sure I am okay and tries so hard to help me get comfortable. My legs hurt and tingle all the time. They are very restless when it comes to sleeping. From lack of sleep, I am so weak and energy less that to fulfill any daily tasks feels like climbing a mountain. Days like this make me more thankful for Robert. He is so helpful and understanding. I really do appreciate him and all he does for me with no complaints.

Now that there is only 12 weeks left until my due date, I am paying more attention to what my body is doing and feeling, trying really hard not to induce any early labor. Taking things easy and trying to take control of my anxiety. I already found a therapist and had my first appointment with her this last weekend. She is dedicated to helping me and has given me affirmations to say when I feel anxiety coming on. She also warned me that I am a most likely candidate for postpartum depression. Which is obviously something I am afraid of, but I need to prepare for how to overcome it. The likely hood of me breast feeding is now very slim, but I prepared myself for that in my first trimester. Sometimes the intuitions I get prove to be correct, so I accept them, and I am thankful for them. If I don't my stress level would sky-rocket when things don't go the way I expect them to.  I have to not allow myself to feel disappointment when things are out of my control.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Time For Some Changes

For the past couple weeks I have been thinking long and hard about what sort of changes/resolutions need to be made. Usually I don't have a hard time with this, but I know lately my mind has been else where. Most of my resolutions have to deal with gaining more muscle mass or get debts taken care of or go back to school. Well, I know I'm not allowed to be working on muscle mass right now, so that will have to wait until the baby is born, and in November we already took care of our debts, then last September I became a certified animal behaviorist and was ready to start the Animal Science Program at Moorpark when I realized how much my first trimester took over my life, school was not going to get accomplished that semester. So time for new changes/resolutions:
1. Get out of my parents house. I appreciate them giving us a place to live, but we truly miss our independence and our family is growing, which is making the house seem smaller (or my dad's junk intake is getting bigger)
2. Read scriptures and family prayer again. We were doing this, and then we let life get in the way. Thankfully Robert and I already made it a habit at the new year, I hope we can keep it going, full well knowing how much busier life is going to get.
3. Get back on my anxiety meds. This may mean I can't breastfeed, but I'ts more important that I am mentally stable to take care of M.E. Since I have been off of them during the pregnancy, my anxiety has heightened and prenatal depression has set in. There is not an ounce of motivation in my system.
4. Get back on the volunteering train. I really miss volunteering with dogs. I have already looked into some rescues that will be easier to volunteer with while having a baby.
5. Stop trying to change my family. I need to let go and let them make their mistakes even if it's going to hurt them. I cannot change them and I cannot get so overwhelmed with trying to do so.
6. Learn to cook/bake gluten free. I hate doing it because I am so bad at it, but if I don't do it I basically don't eat or I eat very little. It's hard when the kitchen isn't mine to experiment in and I don't have my cooking/baking contraptions. But, it's no excuse. I have to do this. I have to finally face it.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Ode to Robert

Robert,

You are my rock, my strength, and the love of my life. I have so much love and respect for you and the way you take care of your little family. I know that when no one else is there for me, you are always by my side comforting me and uplifting my spirits with the right words.

You have been an amazing husband and amazing future father through out the pregnancy. You have done more for me than I could really ever ask for. I don't know where you find the energy to help me, go to school, and work full time. You certainly fulfill your duties to the fullest and beyond.

Heavenly Father has surely blessed me. I thank Him everyday for sending you my way. You are the one decision I know I didn't go wrong on. I know that we can make it through any struggle. We have already been through so much in the short time that we have been married, but it only makes our marriage stronger. No one can break us.

My love for you grows stronger each day and my heart swells with the unconditional love I feel for our child. You will be the best father to our M.E. We are truly blessed to be able to share this unexpected blessing together.

I love you my darling husband.