Friday, February 5, 2010
30 Weeks and Updates
Updates of the week: diagnosed with gestational diabetes, 98% chance of a C-Section, M.E. is in the 51 percentile of size and as far as they can tell she is very healthy. Too bad I'm not on the healthy side. Diabetes sucks! I have no idea what I'm doing, I have never counted carbs in my life. First I'm told to eat a lot of the foods I can to gain weight and now I have to control my portions. I hope I don't lose weight during my last 9 weeks of pregnancy. I am happy for those who enjoy being pregnant or enjoyed their first pregnancy, but do understand that I am not enjoying this one bit. Don't tell me everything will be fine, that's not what I want to hear, it really just makes the situation worse. I have a lot to stress about, from my experience, everything is not always fine. One thing after another, there is no break in life. It is a constant test, a constant struggle to find a day where everything just goes perfectly well. I'm very tired. My mind is tired, my emotions are tired, and my body is tired. Who am I going to be at the end of this? Where will my emotions and mind be after this is over? Will I fail? Will I heal?