Friday, February 5, 2010

30 Weeks and Updates



Updates of the week: diagnosed with gestational diabetes, 98% chance of a C-Section, M.E. is in the 51 percentile of size and as far as they can tell she is very healthy. Too bad I'm not on the healthy side. Diabetes sucks! I have no idea what I'm doing, I have never counted carbs in my life. First I'm told to eat a lot of the foods I can to gain weight and now I have to control my portions. I hope I don't lose weight during my last 9 weeks of pregnancy. I am happy for those who enjoy being pregnant or enjoyed their first pregnancy, but do understand that I am not enjoying this one bit. Don't tell me everything will be fine, that's not what I want to hear, it really just makes the situation worse. I have a lot to stress about, from my experience, everything is not always fine. One thing after another, there is no break in life. It is a constant test, a constant struggle to find a day where everything just goes perfectly well. I'm very tired. My mind is tired, my emotions are tired, and my body is tired. Who am I going to be at the end of this? Where will my emotions and mind be after this is over? Will I fail? Will I heal?

5 comments:

Heather and Spencer said...

Even though you may feel like crap, at least you look good, right?!? Sorry to hear about the diabetes...is the high chance of a c-section because of that? Hope things start to look up soon! Only 10 weeks left!

Ryan 'n' Joy said...

I know it sounds totally totally cliche' but no one ever said it was going to be easy. Life is a test, pregnancy is a test, motherhood is a test, marriage is a test, and the strong survive. Bethany - I know you are feeling crappy right now - and you have every right to - but I know you are strong and I know you will heal - I know that Heavenly Father has had his hand in the pregnancy from the very beginning. It is a miracle- YOU ARE A MIRACLE.... don't ever forget that you are never alone.
p.s. you can call me any time

Robert & Bethany said...

Thanks Heather, your positivity helps. Yeah, the c has to do with the diabetes for me.

kelli said...

aww i'm sorry bethany. i know what will cheer you up - holding m.e. in your arms 64 (?) days from now! hang in there! =)

Rachel said...

Take a deep breath, gather all of your pillows around you and try to sleep. That always helped me during the last trimester when I was stressed and overwhelmed with all the estrogen. This challenge is teaching you to slow down and concentrate on yourself. Most women forget to do that after they become moms. Yes it stinks, but hang in there. Another tip: find a heated pool and do some water walking. The gentle exercise will ease the stress. The weight off your back will help a ton and it is easier to stretch in the water.