Since delivering M.E., I have seen my body change and these changes have really thrown me into hatred for myself. I hate my body, I hate the way my clothes look draped on my body. I hate my body without clothing on. This "new" me is repulsive. Most women gain weight after having a baby. Why didn't I? I am so skinny. Disgustingly skinny. The kind of skinny where strangers stare at you and give you the "she must have an eating disorder" look. I haven't gotten that look in 10 years. I can see my bones. I look like I don't eat. My clothes hang on me. Some women's boobage gets bigger. Mine just shriveled up and died. I don't understand what happened.
I found a protein powder mix that is gluten free, and I have been working out trying to build muscle and weight. I haven't seen any results yet, but I'm truly hoping I will soon.
Why can't I just look like a woman instead of a 10 year old boy?
Friday, November 12, 2010
I realized a month went by without a post from us. I did this somewhat on purpose. I thought it would be nice for Robert to post something on here and I deliberately chose not to make a post, so that he could. Well, he didn't. He lost his chance.
M.E. is growing so fast. 16 pounds already! She is literally a long baby. Hopefully she will be taller than me. She has already started to crawl and is getting very, very good at it. She giggles soo much and is an all around happy baby. Robert is supposed to post the crawling video....
M.E. modeling the head band I won for her.
M.E. and Mommy petting a goat. Mommy loves goats so much!
M.E. crawled over to the dog bed and decided to lounge on it.
M.E. getting some loves from Daddy.
M.E. and the pumpkin patch.
M.E. pondering the piece of hay.
We certainly have a beautiful daughter.