Sunday, November 21, 2010

Miss Body Issues

Since delivering M.E., I have seen my body change and these changes have really thrown me into hatred for myself. I hate my body, I hate the way my clothes look draped on my body. I hate my body without clothing on. This "new" me is repulsive. Most women gain weight after having a baby. Why didn't I? I am so skinny. Disgustingly skinny. The kind of skinny where strangers stare at you and give you the "she must have an eating disorder" look. I haven't gotten that look in 10 years. I can see my bones. I look like I don't eat. My clothes hang on me. Some women's boobage gets bigger. Mine just shriveled up and died. I don't understand what happened.

I found a protein powder mix that is gluten free, and I have been working out trying to build muscle and weight. I haven't seen any results yet, but I'm truly hoping I will soon.

Why can't I just look like a woman instead of a 10 year old boy?

8 comments:

Jessica said...

You are beautiful. Inside AND out.

Missy said...

I am exactly the same way!!! My boobs are smaller than they have ever been before and I weigh less too (down to 95 pounds for me) but somehow my hips have expanded a little and I hate the loose skin in the belly area. I totally understand Bethany. I have always looked like a boy. It's ok though. We already caught the bus, right. :) That's what Nick always says. I think it is the gluten free diet too cause we eat less carbs now.

racheyroy said...

my sister (becky) is always trying to gain weight. she started a work out routine that helped her. i think she was able to gain around 5 lbs. i can ask her about it. oh and...i love you and think you are beautiful! its true. i cannot lie.

The Waldram Family said...

Have you checked your thyroid? My friend's thyroid went into hyperdrive after she delivered her first child...just something to look into.

kelli said...

bethany, you are beautiful inside and out! do you know how i know? because you were made in the image of our creator.=)

have you tried adding more healthy fats? i can relate because when i cut back on gluten, meat and dairy, i lost too much weight and got the same looks and some mean comments. i try not to care what others think, but i also felt too thin.

now i'm conscious of consuming lots of healthy fats like olive oil, coconut oil, peanut butter, raw nuts, or avocado every day. i feel it's helped me add a few pounds and feel more womanly. hope this helped!=)

ps - m.e. is adorable!!!

Brit said...

Oh I feel ya. I too suffer from having the body of a ten year old. But don't even worry about it, you look awesome! I would never have guessed you've had a baby.

Jaela said...

Girl, I've been accused of having an eating disorder my whole life, so I feel ya.

tessa marie said...

you're gorgeous and you dress yourself so well. I always think you look so confidant and beautiful!