Tuesday, July 10, 2012

In Limbo

Everyday feels the same. Like we aren't progressing  or moving forward in life. We aren't where we want to be and we certainly are moving very slow if we are headed to where we want to be. I know where I want our family to be. I want to be the bread winner or the stay-at-home mom. I don't like this in-between thing. I have always had the mind set of career and business and being a powerful successful woman due to the talents I was blessed with. I also wasn't one to have marriage and family in my mindset. But it happened and I love them and I wouldn't change that part of life. But I know this life we want is so close I can taste it. Like I'm thirsty for that single drop of water. What is it going to take to get there? What am I willing to sacrifice to be able to move forward and feed our souls and hearts?
These are OUR logical options:

  • Robert stays in Simi, working for MobileSense and continuing school at Moorpark, while M.E. and I move to SLC for a year where I can be a full time student at SLCC for Fashion & Merch, live with my in-laws and receive my AA in a heart beat.
  • We all stay in Simi, we both continue to work where we are and both attend Moorpark, where I would only be getting generals done very slowly and not take any classes based on my major because they are not offered. 
  • Stay where we are, cross our fingers that CSUN would accept me as a transfer student and get my BA in Fashion & Merch Science (takes longer as a science rather than an AA program)
We did the math, and came to the conclusion that I can bring in more as a Fashion Buyer and Merchandiser than Robert could with Graphic Design. Cause let's face it. People are teaching themselves to do it at home. Who needs a graphic designer? Robert's field is much more competitive than mine. And I can always move forward with fashion design since I already have that background. 

I know I have been given a gift. I want to use it. I am aching to use it. I am so passionate about this yet it feels out of reach from where we are at the moment and so many colleges are cutting the Art's from their programs. Throw me a frikin' bone here! 

What to do, what to do?


MaryAnn said...

Hey there! I am sorry that you are in limbo now. Remember what I told you? Call Bishop and get the ball rolling. You need that extra guidance that comes from being together in the temple. There's a ward temple night coming up too. Who can't use help from our Father who knows the end from the beginning?

Emily said...

Fast and pray... I felt like we had a smaller dilemma - about whether to move or not when our lease was up. We still have a year of law school left and will probably need to move this time next year anyway... But our place is so small and with another kid on the way I felt like we HAD to move. I looked at places and weighed our options for weeks. Finally I just felt like the right thing to do was stay... it's been just this quiet feeling of - this will be ok, this will work out. So maybe you need to pick a path and start taking steps towards it and see how you feel on the way. If you feel a lot of confusion and anxiety about it, then maybe it's time to reconsider. At least, that's how it seems to work for me. Good luck! You will guys will be great at whatever you do.